Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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