My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This is my gift to your gina
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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