I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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