So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
