so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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