So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
