i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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