My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
