her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize