The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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