a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
