moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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