My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
