I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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