I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's official drugs can't kill me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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