What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
