It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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