It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
