Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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