Just cropdusted the office
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
