Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
