u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
