It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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