it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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