I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
