are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
