Don't you send me to vm
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
