Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize