I'm gonna have a badass scar
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
