I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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