"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
