GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
