His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
