We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
