there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
