We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
