im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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