i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
