Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
