just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize