Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
