I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Randomize
