She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
