My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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