During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
