party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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