If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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