You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
