Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
