...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
