More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
