I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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