they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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