And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
