My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
