If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
