Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
