Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
