so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
