Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize