either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Randomize
