All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
