i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
