Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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