i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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