i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
