My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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