do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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