I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
