One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
