I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize