Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
