that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
God, I missed his penis.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
