She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
