I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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