I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
