Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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