What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She's the barista slut.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
