dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
