Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
