You made me cry and you don't even care
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
