omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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