So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
